“Dare or Truth?”
“Um, I think you mean ‘Truth or Dare’ Asher, and how do you know that game?”
“School. Truth or dare? I dare you to go to McDonalds on the way home and get me a milkshake”
“It doesn’t work like that. I get to pick, and I pick truth. Ha!”
“Will you go to McDonalds on the way home and get me a milkshake?”
As the game went on I thought back to the times I played as a kid – always selecting “Truth” as the lesser of two evils and hoping the question wouldn’t be too intrusive. Eventually, there comes a point when disclosure is no longer fun and comfortable and the game comes to an end.
Truth: Sometimes I cry while watching movies with Kristan and will try to play it off as a yawn.
Whew! That feels good to get off my chest!
I’ve been married to Kristan for almost 13 years and I still don’t want her to know that Sweet Home Alabama makes me tear up every time.
In the beginning Adam and Eve were naked & perfectly happy. Then the fall and suddenly man and woman hid themselves from one another. Vulnerability was replaced by shame. Comfort with being fully exposed to another person would never come naturally again. Now it takes work. Work that most people will never put in, because vulnerability is hard. No one wants to feel naked.
Truth: When I was 11 years old I dove into a pool and my swim trunks came all the way off. I was completely naked in front of all my friends. Scarred me for life. To this day I wear two swimsuits just in case.
I think vulnerability is the most important part of a healthy friendship. To know and be known is foundational for love to be real, to be truly accepted for who you are, and to be able to really challenge one another to become better people.
The problem with vulnerability is that it always hurts. It hurts your pride. It strips you of every facade. It leaves you with a nagging urgency to hide and flee from the intimacy of being fully exposed.
Truth: I have an amazing family and some really great friends, and I still struggle with feeling really lonely sometimes.
For a long time I was afraid of going to the dentist. The longer I waited the more difficult it was to finally sit down in that chair. After years of avoiding it I eventually chose what was right even though it scared me to death.
And it hurt. I paid for my mistakes. In the beginning the poking and drilling and scraping (not to mention when they take a mold – that’s the worst) made it feel like my mouth was getting worse instead of better. Then my visits started going more smoothly. Now, I haven’t had a cavity in years and, though I don’t look forward to the dentist, it’s not a scary experience. I see it for what it is: A necessary component to health.
Vulnerability in friendships is a lot like that. It’s easy to hide and keep people out, but the longer that goes on the harder it will ever be to open up and let people see what’s going on inside of you. The problem is, in our culture, we have actually deluded ourselves to thinking that it’s somehow ok to not let others into our lives.
It’s not good for man to be alone.
You and I need one another. I’m not going to lie, it can hurt. Most of the time any hurt you sustain from vulnerability is a necessary hurt – a hurt to make you better. And we want that. We need that. The only way to get it is to allow yourself to be known and trust that you just took a step towards true Biblical community.