What I learned about myself when I was de-friended on facebook

Who does something like that?

A few months ago I was de-friended on facebook.  It came as quite a shock that our mutually agreed upon contract to share pictures, status updates, and pokes had been silently terminated.  I had received no warning or explanation.  One day something that was once there was no longer there.  It hurt.  Who does something like that?  Of course I know who did it.  What I really mean to ask is, “What kind of person would do something like that?”

What kind of person would do something like that…to me?

That’s the real question I have.  Such a person must be a villain.  An ugly and malicious heart is the only explanation for relational passive aggression of the worst kind.  A good man would not do this.  I ask the question, “What kind of person would do something like that to me?”

There is a poem by Thomas Lux titled, “The Voice you Hear When you Read Silently”.  I don’t remember anything in the poem itself, but I love the title.  Words on a page have a voice.

What kind of person would do something like that?

That’s an angry voice.  It’s not a “throw things across a room” angry.  Rather, it’s a “silent and superior” anger.  The voice asking that question isn’t looking for answers.  It is looking to vilify someone.  I was angry.  I was looking to build a case against the person who had offended me.  Everything from immaturity to former offenses were in play as I built my foundation to establish that I was, in fact, in the right.  After all, how could I be possibly be wrong?

What kind of person would do something like that?

An immature question that no one cares to ask.  There is no jury.  No one for me to convince.  Nothing to be gained from judging the offense.  It’s a really bad question, but there is a better one.

I was de-friended on facebook.  To what kind of person does something like this happen?

I’m pretty sure that Kristan has never been de-friended by anyone. This specific individual is still friends with a lot of people in our social circle.  He chose me.  I am not a victim.  I am not a martyr.  Something about our relationship is broken & it is arrogant and immature of me to put that on him.

The truth is I can posture myself in the best possible light and demonize the other person to the fullest extent.  Perhaps then I can rest well and know that I can’t be all things to all people.  It’s his problem, or it’s an unavoidable effect of pastoral ministry.  After all, Jesus was hated by a lot of people.

This probably isn’t true.  I doubt I was under persecution for being too much like Jesus.  When I stop judging my offenders and step back for a little introspection, I come to a frightening conclusion.  There are times, and this is probably one of them, that I’m simply not a nice person.

Who would do something like that to me?  

Most likely, it was someone that I hurt first.


About Michael Reeve

I love my people. In 2003 I married my beautiful best friend. Then in 2007 we had our first son, Nolan, named after my favorite baseball player (Nolan Ryan). In 2009 our second son, Asher, was born. We have two dogs, Sawyer and Mr. Precious (Yea, I know) and some fish that are sure to die in the next couple of days. In 2004 we moved to Reedy Fork Ranch in northeast Greensboro. We love this area and we are thrilled to call it home. Now, God has called our family (along with a great team of people) to start a church in NE Greensboro. Proximity Church will have it's first Sunday on January 7, 2018! View all posts by Michael Reeve

2 responses to “What I learned about myself when I was de-friended on facebook

  • kristanreeve

    Got it! Did you keep this one public?

    Sent from my iPhone

  • evanblackerby

    Mike.  I am really loving your posts.  I will not defriend you or unfollow you.   Rather, I will friend you more, and follow you more because of your authenticity!!

    Your friend,

    Evan — Sent from Mailbox for iPhone

    On Wed, Jan 22, 2014 at 8:49 PM, Michael Reeve

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