Coming Alive

In the opening chapters of Genesis God commands Adam not to eat of the tree (of knowledge of good and evil).  Eve wasn’t there so Adam, being the good husband he was, told relayed the command; adding his own little suggestion: Don’t even touch it. 

We know how the story goes. 

One of the obvious questions after Eve’s rebellion is, “Why was she anywhere near the tree in the first place?”  I get the feeling Eden was pretty big after all, with lots of trees full of lots of fruit.  Why was she hanging out near the one forbidden tree?

6 days ago I went cold turkey on soft drinks and sweet tea.  Since then it has been tons of water, milk, and juice.  Oh, and that one coke I had 2 days ago.  Yea, that’s right…I cheated – and it felt SOOOO GOOOOOD! 

(needed pic to capture “cheated” thought this was funny)

I’m back on the wagon, and have gone 3 days without incident.  That one coke is going to haunt me though. 

It was just such a tough day.  The detoxing stage of caffeine was in full swing.  I was tired, weak, and had a headache.  When I opened the refrigerator Monday morning I saw that one lone can sitting on the shelf at eye level.  Begrudgingly I pulled the Orange Juice out.  All I could think of was that coke.  I tried to get my mind off of it by going on a walk, downing glass after glass of water, and watching TV, but I wanted it so bad.  Finally I decided (and I warn you this is where things get a little silly) to just hold the can for a minute (seriously).  Knowing that I was toeing a very fine line already I opened the can.  In my mind I was going to make a decision to either drink or pour it out.  Before making that difficult decision I (wow, can’t believe Im admitting this) smelled the Coke. 

That was the end of the debate.

Oh it was so good!  I enjoyed it.  Savored it.  Every sip was like my first kiss with Kristan – so good, so right. 

Afterwards I thought about all the things I could have done: purge my house of all temptation beforehand, call Hal to come help me get my mind off of it, simply DON”T drink the freakin Coke.  It seems so easy now, so silly.  Probably did for Eve too. 

Oh well, unlike Eve I’m just dealing with my diet…not the fall of all mankind.   So I guess I have that going for me, which is nice.

I really wanted to go to the pool yesterday.  Then, 5 minutes before it opened, the strongest storm of the year came – snapping trees, cutting the power to the neighborhood, and EVEN closing the pool!  I was kinda bummed.  

On our way back from Country Kitchen, Astuto and I noticed that the storm was knocking over people’s trash cans like the raccoons in The Great Outdoors.  For the next 45 minutes or so we drove around reseting the trash cans and picking up garbage.  It was humbling…and a bit disgusting at times, but man it was a great way to spend an evening.  

So, the storm ruined my chance to beat Mike in pool basketball, but it gave us the opportunity to follow Jesus.

Yesterday I had some time before pre-marriage counseling with Jason and Vickie so I went to a bookstore.  It was a “Christian” bookstore, which means all the books are written by Christians for Christian.  Also, it sells decorative crosses, paintings of angels – Jesus – God, and mints with Scripture verses on them (Sacra-mints)…yea.

Walking into a Christian bookstore is like walking into one of those hotels where they try to sell you a timeshare.  Everyone smiles more than it seems they should and you get the sense that the deeper in you go the less likely you will ever get back out.  

Anyway, I was looking for something in particular – a Bible with wide margins – which I could not find in 3 rows dedicated to the Holy Book.  After giving up I walked back to the short shelf designated for the more “edgy” Christian books.  

I stumbled into the beginning of a small group Bible study.  Three ladies were waiting on the 4th and final member of their group to arrive before beginning.  I really wanted to peruse that shelf so I made my way directly behind one of them.  I had successfully become a very large, limping (I hurt my knee) fly on this small groups wall.  I heard everything -

I heard them talk trash about strangers they had seen.  I heard them sarcastically cut one another down.  And worst of all I heard them gossip about the 4th member of their SG 2 minutes before calling her and speaking to her as though they were the most loving, caring friends in the world.  

Now, I’m not one to tell other people  how to handle their spiritual lives…
OK, maybe I am

Shame on them!

Shame on them for recklessly engaging in gossip moments before starting a Bible study
Shame on them for creating compartments in their lives where they can seamlessly move from worldly to spiritual
Shame on them for annoying the mess out of me
And Shame on them for having a Bible study that will NEVER be accessible to another person from whatever church they go to or to a friend from outside church…

Actually, on second thought, that last one is probably a good thing.  Some groups should remain closed for the good of others.

Wow.  I feel better.  This is kind of an angry blog…maybe I should make it private?

Nah.  Sometimes there is good cause to be angry.

I’m not much of a manual labor type guy.  Sweating out in the Sun while I hoe the ground isn’t my idea of a good time.  Helping a friend surprise his wife, however, is something I can dig (see what I did there?).  So, that’s exactly what I did this afternoon.  I put my message on hold, picked up a spade (seriously, when Hal told me to go grab it I just guessed right…I had no idea what a spade was), and dug some trenches in his backyard. 

We did guy stuff:  Man work – Man talk (beer and women – our wives – both came up) – and Man sweat. 

It was fun & thanks to Direct TV I didn’t even have to miss the overtime of Boston/Chicago. 

The best part:  I am getting ready to fire up the grill to cook some steaks.  I feel like so much of a man right now I wish I could hop on a horse and cattle drive my dinner straight up through Reedy Fork to my grill.

OK, Im watching the Carolina game right now and its fun.  I have resisted becoming a fan, but after 10 years here I feel like I can sincerely adopt a college team.  Carolina is as good as any.  I have a couple of problems though:

1.  Bandwagon – I hate bandwagon fans, but I have no cause to root for any other team.  Do I wait until Duke finally steps up to become a Tar Heel fan?  Or do I take my lumps as I hop on the wagon?

2.  Uninteresting – Can they win by a couple of points for once!  Every game they destroy their opponents.  Already they are up by 16.  Rockets never win by that much.  There is always a risk of losing.  

3.  Turnover – My main reason for not being a college fan.  Next year this team will be almost entirely different.  Certainly the two best players will be gone.  I hate change.

Anyway, if anyone has a good reason to hop on the the bandwagon feel free to give it to me.

The other day a friend of mine got frustrated over something and wrote something online implying I was a “dick”.  His purpose wasn’t really to say what he said that way, but it was certainly the unintentional message that was conveyed.  I saw it, was pretty hurt (like I said this dude is a good friend of mine – and a Christian pastor) so I emailed him about it.  

That kinda stuff happens…even between friends.  What rarely happens is what went down the next day.

I expected an email reply.  Something defensive or potentially aggressive.  

Instead I got a call…at 8 in the morning!  Before I could even get a word out the guy apologized, took full responsibility for what was communicated, and THEN explained the misunderstanding (never trying to move blame away from himself at all).  

Its hard to admit fault and apologize.  When we do they often sound like this…
“Im sorry that you feel that way”
“Im sorry that you misunderstood”
“Im sorry that you heard me wrong”

You see the problem with these?  Apologies are meant to be for YOUR fault…not the other persons.  At best these are blame shifters posing as apologies.  At worst they are calling you stupid for not being able to understand the words coming out of their mouth.  

I remember 2 things from being in Communication classes in college
1.  75% (or more) of all communication is nonverbal
2.  Communication is the responsibility of the sender
This adds up to one simple truth -
If there is a misunderstanding it isn’t b/c they misunderstood, its b/c YOU miscommunicated.

So, when apologizing for miscommunications (most conflict is the result of this)
Wrong: “I’m sorry you misunderstand”
Right: “I’m sorry I miscommunicated to you”

Wrong: “I’m sorry you feel that way”
Right: “I’m sorry I have done something to cause you to feel that way”

The church should handle conflict better than anyone in the world.  Apologies should be the simplest, most free-flowing words in a moment of conflict.  When there is a spirit of reconciliation there is no need to blame shift or defend a position.  The only things that matter are relational healing and God’s glory…and the path to those two things begins by killing the need to be right.