Coming Alive

STIM retreat. for the past month or so my relationships with everything and everyone have been changing. with God i am more comfortable now than ever before. i can give glory where it belongs even in class settings. i am understanding my victory, my comfort zone, my love in Jesus. my biggest praise right now is my relationship with Kristan. for the past week or so we have grown closer together through fearless communication. last night we ended up talking late, hours after the STIM campers went to bed. we talked about a lot of stuf that we never talked about before. i understand her heart better than anyone i have ever known. God will really bless kristan when she finally decides missions is where her heart is. i have never known a person so capable of love. the most remarkable thing about her is the fact that she has no idea that she loves so well. i am sitting with her now and she simply radiates Jesus. if i didnt love her so much i would probably find myself in love with her.

I remember this night.  We were sitting in a cabin – both journaling.  I doubt she was writing about me at that moment, but I couldn’t get my mind off of her.  I sound kind of stupid at the end there, but it will earn me points in a month or so when she finally hops on here and reads my blog again…so it’s worth it.

I think i am dying. i am really sick. i hate the cold and i hate snow (note: i am from tx where snow comes in a can).
Father God, you know my heart. you know my inadequacies, you know i cant spell. i seek your wisdom Lord, what is wrong with my heart? i dont understand why it still hurts a little to imagine Kristan with another guy. she is my best friend God, and i dont want to have feelings like that for her.  God you know the reality of my heart. you know where it is broken. Please Father, show me.
your son
michael

Kristan and I really were such great of friends I resisted (for a brief time) letting feelings for her develop.  This blog was on the tail end of a conference a group of us went to called Urbana.  It was literally the coldest I have ever been.  I never learned the layering concept so I walked around in a t-shirt and jacket the whole time.  By the end of the conference I was miserable. 

Thank you God for the best year of my life. There have been struggles, but you are my rock on which i lean. this next year will be better than the first. God is setting up mission work for me through STIM. it looks like i may make 3 journeys in the next year to India, Mexico, and Israel. i am truly blessed, the rest of my life i devote as a humble servant of the Lord and of the Lords people.

I wrote the above section on the one year anniversary of becoming a Christian.  Cleaning out some old stuff I came across my old journal and remembered that I meant to get some of them up here. 

STIM – “Student Training In Missions” was an organization that set me up to go to Mexico City for the first time back in the summer of 2001.  The other trips didn’t work out for reasons I don’t remember.  It was also at a STIM weekend I really fell in love with Kristan.